Wonder how I tell if I have a bug or just morning sickness? I feel awful. Worse than ever. I can't keep anything down, I can't stomach anything. I have the chills. I want to go home. I can't concentrate on work. Yeck.

Hold me.

So I had my first appointment. Just with the nurse. Asked me all about my pregnancies, my health, my family's health, my husband (no really, he doesn't hit me). Took a lot of blood. And that stupid diabetes drink. I think it's because I'm fat they give it to me early. I also begged for an ultrasound. I didn't get one, but she wrote it down. I'm begging at my next appointment. I'll beg every chance I get until I see my bean.

Now I feel gross. That orange soda stuff is gross.

I thought I'd found the solution this morning. While packing Nino's bag, apple juice looked amazing to me. I was practically salivating. So I got myself a large apple juice and egg sandwich. The egg tasted good (yay!) but the juice was like pedialyte - too sweet, too syrupy.

I was so close.

Bleh.

This child better be making himself nice and comfy in there. I've got 34 more weeks and you've already changed my life. I'm sick like I never was with Nino. Not to mention that this morning I had some spotting and cramping, so I called the nurse line. "That's normal" they tell me. I'm going to beg for an ultrasound tomorrow. It's my iniitial appointment, with the first blood draws, free vitamins, all that.

Why do I do this to myself?

I lurk on the pp October 2005 board sometime, but don't post there, as they have about a million members. This week, about a thousand of them are posting their "goodbye" posts. It makes me so sad, gives me doubts. Do I feel sick enough? Why aren't my boobs sore? Why are all these people *so* pregnant and I just feel premenstrual?

Remind me not to hang out there. Besides, I have a nice zit to prove the hormones are a-raging.

It's starting to sink in a little. Friday morning I'm pretty sure I woke Whitney up to tell her. I wanted a ticker, dammit!! ;o)

Then my parents were en route to GA for the weekend and I decided it'd be mean for W to know and be with Barb and not be able to chat about it. So I told mom. Very excited, but cautious of course. December 2001 we had an early miscarriage. I don't want a repeat, thanks very much.

I'm feeling okay. Very stretchy and crampy. A bit nauseated, not too bad. I have my first appointment next Wednesday the 23rd. I'm going to angle for an ultrasound. I want to be reassured.

Hubby told me this was the best valentines gift I could give him. Asked Nino if he wanted a baby boy or baby girl, and he said "a baby girl will clean up my mess". Nice. Wonder where he gets this?

Oh and I'm no longer allowed to change the kitty litter. Small victory! ;o)

Additionally, we're bidding on a 2002 Eurovan on ebay. Orlando, Fl. We're a bit crazy.

Holy cow.

I had lunch with niece Anna today. I ran into her and her mom in the parking lot, leaving school, and we did impromptu lunch. It was nice.

And the contractor came over this morning to talk about finishing the living room. That happens, Nino gets his bedroom back, and the interior of the house is done. I can't wait.

And I'm all hyped up about making training pants. It's sad. I'm going nuts buying scraps on ebay.

My $5 into the super bowl pool paid off. Hooray. I'm $75 (well, net $70) richer today.

Had a fun weekend. It was nice enough to go outside a few times, so we did. Hubby had an employee quit which had us in a swell mood for a few days. Ugh.

This weekend is Kate's going-away party. Sad reason to get together, but I'll be glad to see the gang again. It was almost a year ago I went there for the first time.

Super weekend all around. It was warmer than it has been, so we've been able to get outside and get some fresh air. Nino has been having some dreams, so he wakes at 4 am saying "I don't like that". Poor bean.

He also tried nursing this morning. I know that there's not much there. He tried for about a second on righty and said "momma, I all done with that one". I think he just wants to keep his options open.

He has a new patriots sweatsuit. He's going to wear it as much as possible for the next several days.

We finally have Nino to the point where we can lay him down in his crib and he sleeps through. Two long years later. He hasn't been in our bed in two weeks, and it's working great for us, and is great for the weaning process.

So dh got home right at bedtime last night and hadn't seen Nino at all so he decided he needed to come in our bed. Never.Again. I slept poorly with my boobs being grabbed for 4 hours, all of us being prodded and kicked, when I stuck boy in his crib (I asked T to do it earlier, rrg) and we all got some much needed rest. It was 2:30 am, I'm finally settling boy in, and cursing my husband.

Anyhoo, at least this morning when I told T that was no longer an option, he totally understood. Tonight will be better.

I had a very vivid weird dream last night, where I took a pregnancy test, and instead of 1 or 2 lines, there were 3 or 4. But it was unclear, even then, if I was pregnant.

Last week I brought 2 plants into work. John told me that the cactus was dead. No hope.

Well phhhbbbbbtttt to him. It's coming back. I rule. The other one, I had more hope for and it's looking great. Not great actually, but better.

At some point, my son started sleeping in his crib all night. I'm so excited, but it marks a sad stage. He's a little boy now. I'm starting to transition him to a toddler bed, so he now sleeps with the crib side down. My big boy. He slept until 9:30 Sunday morning. That was delicious.

The patriots are going to the super bowl again. It's exciting, and I'm sending Nino's little Pats sweatsuit to cousin Sophia for her use on the big day.

I also had my first weigh in today. Down 3.6 lb. I'm so excited. It's inspirational. I hope I can keep it up. My goal is 10 lb by B's wedding.

Yesterday, I was with a friend in the lingerie department of Filenes, and G was in his stroller, and said "buy those boobies, momma!!" Loud enough for all to hear. I lost it.

Or this morning, I told him this was a new shirt from B (my friend who gave it to him yesterday, he unwrapped it), he said "more presents please momma".

And last night he looked at me from his backseat and was holding his cup up and said "I gonna throw this" and then he did. I lost it.

He also now goes a day here and there without nursing. He hasn't even asked since 6 am yesterday. I'm glad he's doing it on his own, but still. :(

He's also a bloody genius. This weekend he opened his madeline book to the "smiled at the good" page and said "frown at bad".

And I signed up for WW online today. I did it not that long ago, but I'm really ready. I need to be. I weighed in yesterday and wanted to cry.

I'm so happy that this is a long weekend. It's hard to come back full-on after vacation with the boy.

We've really been connecting lately. So I haven't gone to the gym as much or gotten as much laundry done. Poo. My son tells me he loves me all the time and laughs more than I'd ever imagined.

We're having great sleep success lately. He tells me when he's tired, we read a book or something, and he naps or sleeps. In his bed. I bought the toddler bed conversion kit, but I'm not going to do that until he's got a good pattern. I don't need him walking over to me at 3 am. I'm just so lucky that I got to enjoy 2 years of him in the bed, most of the time, without any long-term effects.

Relatively nice weekend here. Dull and nice. Friday playgroup mom announced her pregnancy. Insanely jealous, yet very happy for her. I know that I don't *really* want it to happen for a few months, but you know . .

Not to mention today I found out it's not happening this month.

We got a bunch of snow. Nino loved it. He loves to be outside, help daddy clean up, all that. He gets mad when it gets in his eyes. He was on daddy's back in the backpack (aka "pack-pack") and yelled at it. Picture it please, hand up in "stop" position, saying "no snow no. Momma, snow booooothering me". He's a godforsaken riot.

But we were all feeling a bit punky. Stomach bug of some sort. Not fun. It put a bit of a kink in our weekend. Yesterday we were all slugs. It was kind of nice. Wish I could do the same again today.

I'm having a pity party. Please join me. 2004 was going to be the year I finished my exams. I had 2 remaining. One whole year and I didn't even take one until December. And failed it, it seems. 2004 was going to be the year I lost the weight. Here it is 2005 and I'm still a sow.

The upshot to this is that 2005 *will* be the year. I can take prep courses and both exams before my 30th birthday. That's my new goal. And I just want to lose some weight before I get pregnant again, but the amount isn't as important.

I'm allowing myself this pity party and that's that. I had lots of chocolate yesterday, and ate fast food for the first time in months. But I didn't even let myself order the big "value" meal. I must be getting old.

Back at work after 10 days off. It's been a long day.

Well, that's done. It went amazingly well. Even easier to take out than to put in. Easier than a pap, but pretty similar. A tiny bit of cramping, even still, but that's what happens when something goes through your cervix, right?

She was so happy for me. I love the midwives at my practice. She gave me some prenatal samples, and an rx, and we talked boobies (they had a great poster).

Here we go again!

We had Nino's birthday party (s) this weekend. It began with playgroup. He was non too keen on sharing, which prompted some of the other moms to say "welcome to 2". ;o)



Then Saturday night we had a family party, casual but not small. It was so easy since I catered by Costco. Deli platters and all. No one minds one bit.

Here he is the next day, after I assembled that crazy crane thing. He was too excited to even put pants on. The one box said "over 100 pieces" like somehow that's a good thing. It's not. That crane thing in the middle took forever.


Here is G kissing his sweet girl cousin, who came to visit and left this morning. I miss them already. He loves her, except when she wants to sit in his chair, wear his clothes, or be held by his momma.